"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone
get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grand children, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused
by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of NO Rights."
ARTICLE I
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More
power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom,
and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn
the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and
probably always will be.
ARTICLE III
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye,
learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all
your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional
couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation
of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks
of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape,
intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see
you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce
away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get
together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big
screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars
to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a
finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting
the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every
little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will
gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the
opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the
right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by
an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the
Bill of Rights.
Mitchell Kaye from Georgia.
